Balancing the role as a parent can be difficult, but when you blend that with having to care for your aging parents — the workload can be mentally overwhelming.
In 2023, there were roughly 100 million Americans identifying as caregivers, according to the Guardian Life Insurance Company of America. Moreover, 73% of all American workers have some sort of caregiving responsibility.
New York Life Insurance reported “sandwiched” caregivers spend about 50 hours per week caregiving for elderly adults and their children. The same study said women reported caregiving impacted various aspects of their lives more so than men – including mentally, personally and romantically.
Ashlee Martin — a licensed professional counselor with Thriveworks, who specializes in counseling women through life’s challenges such as stress, anxiety and relationships — chatted with Times of San Diego to offer guidance to sandwiched caregivers.
Tell me about the challenges facing caregivers today.
Being a mom is hard work, and often a thankless job. It takes a toll on our physical and mental well-being. But, we do what we do because we love our children, and because it’s our responsibility to instill good values and teach them the skills they will need to be a caring, productive adult. When someone is caring for children and also caring for an older/dependent family member, the load can be very heavy to carry without the proper support and guidance.
What are the concerns when someone must care for multiple people, such as children and their elderly parents?
Being a mom and caring for our children can be emotionally and physically draining. When adding caring for an older/dependent family member, it can feel 2 to 3 times more draining. For many moms working at home or outside the home, they’re already trying to coordinate their children’s school schedule, homework, and extracurricular activities, on top of providing for their basic needs of food, shelter and clothing. Often, an older/dependent family member needs the same coordination and care, so managing each day can be extremely stressful, and often isolating. Just as children act out or argue, older/dependent family members can, too, which can make helping them emotionally taxing.
What are the warning signs that the workload is too much?
The common signs of symptoms of caregiver burnout include:
- Anxiety, Depression, Irritability
- Feeling Tired and Run Down
- Difficulty Sleeping
- New or Worsening Health Problems
- Trouble Concentrating or Making Decisions
- Feelings of Resentment
- Withdrawn from Leisure Activities or Friends
What should these sandwiched caregivers keep in mind when taking care of multiple people?
These sandwiched caregivers should keep in mind that managing these responsibilities is A LOT, and they need to set realistic goals and have reasonable expectations for themselves. They need to know their limits, and when they get to that point, ask for help. It takes a village. Also, give yourself grace when things don’t go as planned and try to stay positive.
How can these sandwiched caregivers make the load manageable? Do you have a step by step guide?
While there isn’t a universal step-by-step guide because every family and situation is different, I do have some tips for caregivers that can help manage the load without burning out.
- Consult with other caregivers or join a support group who can help you with new ideas or simply to not feel alone
- Self-care is a must. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally by doing things that bring you joy or calmness.
- Ask for help and delegate tasks to others. There are many local and national organizations that help support caregivers.
- Set clear boundaries and prioritize your own needs. Learn to say “no” when necessary and avoid overextending yourself.
- Talk to a therapist
Any other tips or guidance?
Stay organized by keeping a binder or using an app that lists all important information that someone may need if and when they step in to help. This would include doctor contact info, medication list, allergies, food/drink preferences, physical or mental Limitations, etc. That way if you need support, it’s easy for someone else to help.
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San Diego Moms is published on Saturdays. Have a story idea? Email hoaq@timesofsandiego.com and follow her on Instagram at @hoawritessd.
