By Steve Rodriguez
I don’t want to talk about the recent election. I’m tired of politics. It was a long campaign and I’m emotionally worn out from all the debates, and the tweets, and the rallies. Instead, I want to discuss the past baseball season. I’m sure all of you know the Dodgers won the World Series, but in order to get to the Word Series they first had to beat the San Diego Padres in a playoff series. Sure, if you’re a Dodgers fan, you’re really happy about beating the Padres.
But there’s one thing I want you to know…those games between the Dodgers and the Padres back in October were RIGGED. It’s outrageous. I am here to tell you the Padres were victims of a massive fraud. I don’t care what the lamestream sports media says. The Padres won big, and by a lot. I have plenty of evidence. A huge stack of evidence. I can’t wait to show it to you. The only way the Dodgers could have won, of course, was through cheating. I think Venezuela was involved. No, not Fernando Valenzuela. I’m talking Hugo Chavez Venezuela.
I hope you noticed that no fans were allowed at these games. The fans (also known as game watchers) are sacred. And yet they weren’t allowed to be at the games. They weren’t allowed to see all the cheating that went on. That is so unpatriotic. You must have game watchers. No game watchers is bad.
As many of you might have heard, during a couple of games the Padres were ahead in the early innings. The games were practically over. People were calling me saying, “The game is over and the Padres won,” and then all of a sudden the Dodgers pulled ahead. They had a run dump, which is no good. How could that have happened without cheating? Those late runs shouldn’t have been allowed to count. The whole thing was rigged.
And I heard all the scoring was done in Ukraine. On a scoreboard server that was once owned by Hillary Clinton, or Tommy Lasorda. There were lots of runs supposedly scored by both teams, but no Americans were allowed to see how the scoring was actually done. They say every time a Dodger runner crossed the plate, the scoreboard gave the Dodgers three extra runs with the help of an algorithm. Disgraceful. I even heard the scoreboard was built by communists, or George Soros. That’s what people are saying. Tremendous cheating. So many affidavits.
Several people have called me from other countries, really important countries, not just s**t hole countries, and they were disgusted at the fraud that occurred during this playoff series. They said to expect cheating when big city teams from blue states make it to the playoffs. Horrible.
I can’t believe the FBI hasn’t looked into this cheating. I used to think the B in FBI stood for baseball, but now I have my doubts. So sad.
And now the Attorney General claims there was no cheating. Can I be honest? I’ve never seen him play baseball. What does he know? If I can be honest again, I don’t particularly like experts, especially the ones who know a lot, but in this case, who knows? And by the way, did you see Dr. Fauci throw a baseball? This whole thing is messed up.
The Padres-Dodgers playoff series is far from over. I’m not ready to concede anything. They say the World Series has already been decided, but I’m willing to take this to the Supreme Court. The Dodgers got their starting nine, but I’ve got the nine judges (or at least five of them) on my side.
San Diegans, I hope you’ll donate money to my “Cheating Dodgers are Outrageous and Baseball Stabbed Me in the Back” campaign. We have so much evidence. A bigly stack. I need more money. We’re going to win this for the Padres. Hurry up and send the money. I’ll let you see the evidence. So many affidavits. But first send the money.
Steve Rodriguez is a retired Marine Corps officer and high school teacher who last taught at Olympian High School in Chula Vista.