There have been so many moments when Gloria Steinem touched my life, as she did countless others. It’s like a gut punch knowing that she’s gone.
Her recent death, at age 92 on Sept. 2, took me back to 2012 when I heard her speak at a San Diego event.
In a piece for the San Diego Union Tribune Community Press after that event, I wrote that I never expected tears. But without warning my eyes began to well up when I heard her speak about social justice, the endless fight for gender equality, and the desperate need in the world to embrace our common humanity.
The embarrassing trickle became a torrent when a young woman asked her what was the best part of being a feminist advocate.
“You,” she said without hesitation, as she gestured to the crowd. That did it for me, as I reached for the tissues.
Gloria Steinem — gracious, lovely, articulate, passionate, full of humility and inspirational as ever.
She was a trailblazer and led the way for so many rights women now take for granted, even as many of those rights are being eroded today.
Setbacks everywhere. Legal challenges that seek to legitimize discrimination against women and reverse hard-fought battles continue to pop up like Whack-a-Mole.
Have women achieved income parity and equal opportunity in the workplace? Is there respect for full-time homemakers? Does domestic violence still exist? Are rape victims stigmatized? Do women have control over their own bodies?
“To say to girls you can be anything you want to be is a lie,” Steinem said. “Then when they come up against boundaries, they perceive it as their own fault.”
The icon of the modern feminist revolution, Steinem was called the “personification of the women’s movement” by The New York Times.
She was the ultimate transformative figure. She did for me what personal heroes do — alters our thinking, brings clarity to our lives, explains mysteries of human behavior, propels us to change.
Steinem introduced the concept of the “click moment” — a changed perception of your own life that never allows you to “go back” to being ignorant or uninvolved or self-absorbed. It’s when you suddenly get it — you see the discrimination, feel the wrong, experience the indignity.
She opened my eyes, 54 years ago, in 1972. Steinem rocked my world and changed my life forever.
She raised my consciousness in profound and lasting ways, just as she influenced — and will continue to influence — generations of women and men, even after her death.
Steinem inspired me to join the National Organization for Women, march for the Equal Rights Amendment, fight for abortion rights, demand equal pay, understand that rape victims never “ask for it” or deserve it, keep my own last name, not be embarrassed by my 5-foot 10-inch frame, pay my own way, and speak up for justice, human rights and deeply held values.
One of her most important lessons was the power of language and how it can be used to denigrate, often unconsciously. Demeaning references to adult women — from “girl” to “chick” to “bitch” — were eliminated from my vocabulary after that particular “click.”
Even in the face of alarming political setbacks and abhorrent misogynistic rhetoric today that could never have been imagined 30 years ago, Steinem called herself a “hope-aholic” and radiated sunny optimism.
Her beauty was often regarded curiously. Feminists in the 1970s were derisively characterized as “women’s libbers” and bra-burners and were portrayed as repellant agitators — loud, angry, ugly, masculine and decidedly unappealing.
It was easier for those threatened by the movement to dismiss the message if one could tar the message-bearer as caustic, alienating and radicalized.
But what to do with gorgeous Gloria? It was difficult to disregard and patronize her in the traditional way.
She often protested that women are commonly judged by superficial outward appearances rather than a person’s character.
Is she skilled at her job? Is she kind to her children? What are her talents? Is she honest? Does she listen to others? Will she speak up against injustice? Is she a worthy person?
These are human qualities and we should all be judged equally, because the women’s movement, she said, “is about the full humanity of both men and women.”
So there she was, standing 10 feet away from me, my hero at a time in my life when I was searching for meaning and purpose. As she left the podium and walked past me, I impulsively touched her arm without thinking and thanked her through my tears for changing my life,
“Good,” she said with a smile. “Now you go out and change other people’s lives.”
She and other early feminists inspired me, empowered me, embraced me, opened my eyes and woke me up.
She had an enormous outsized impact on millions worldwide. Her work leaves an indelible mark on American culture.
Quiet but powerful, soft-spoken and elegant, Gloria Steinem will continue to change the world — one person at a time, one click at a time.
Marsha Sutton is education writer and investigative columnist, and can be reached at suttonmarsha@gmail.com.
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