As President Donald Trump inches us closer to war with Venezuela — one exploding fishing boat at a time — I wish to offer a “thinking outside-the-box” preventive measure that can possibly help put an end to further hostilities between the United States and our much smaller Latin American neighbor. I am calling for government leaders on both sides to make room for Taco Bell to bring about the necessary conditions for peace.
Yes, I am referring to that Taco Bell — the popular purveyor of Mexican fast food. Before dismissing my idea, and proclaiming that “someone must have dropped a chalupa on this author’s head,” let me explain my data-driven international relations theory in greater detail.
Back in 1996, Thomas Friedman, the New York Times columnist and prolific author of several noteworthy books addressing foreign affairs, introduced the “Golden Arches Theory of Conflict Prevention.” He proposed no two countries with McDonald’s franchises have ever gone to war with each other, claiming nations with a McDonald’s franchise were less likely to go to war with each other because they had reached a certain level of economic development that made war less appealing. Friedman stated, “People in McDonald’s countries don’t like to fight wars; they like to wait in line for burgers.”
This theory was introduced during a time that saw an increase in the growth of democracy and economic interdependence. Communism’s fall in Eastern Europe, along with the passage of the North American Free Trade Agreement, saw the world progressing toward a free elections, dictator free, economically interdependent period.
Unfortunately, Friedman’s theory did not prove true for long. In 1999, NATO launched a bombing campaign against Yugoslavia. Instead of lining up for burgers, Yugoslavian citizens found themselves hiding in bomb shelters. Then, in 2022, Russia and Ukraine, two countries with many McDonald’s franchises, became involved in a vicious war. In fact, on Jan. 18 of this year, Ukraine’s oldest McDonald’s franchise was extensively damaged by a Russian aerial attack.
Friedman’s theory has since been dismissed as failing to recognize the complexities of international affairs. However, he may still have been on to something. Though my concept may sound outrageous to some, I believe we need only substitute Taco Bell for McDonald’s to put a new, improved version of Friedman’s theory into action before it’s too late.
Recently, while both researching international relations topics and eating a delicious Taco Bell Cheesy Bean and Rice Burrito off the company’s Cravings Value Meal menu, I came across an interesting fact. There are over 30 countries with Taco Bell franchises, and none of these countries have fought a war against each other in recent times, at least not during the time they have hosted a Taco Bell franchise.
And guess what else? Venezuela is not on this list of 30 plus countries! This leads me to only one conclusion — if we are to avert a U.S. — Venezuelan war, someone needs to act quickly and get a Taco Bell franchise opened in Venezuela.
If my idea sound hairbrained, please consider this other significant fact. President Trump seems hell bent on attacking Venezuela because of its drug cartels and the danger they pose to America. He insists every fishing boat the U.S. military has blown up for our video viewing pleasure is associated with drug smuggling. Yet, he has not shown the same eagerness to start armed hostilities with other countries more closely associated with either the deadly fentanyl trade (China) or cocaine (Peru).
Why pick on Venezuela? Because both China and Peru have Taco Bell franchises. They are thus exempted from Trump’s armed wrath. What other drug trade country has Trump threatened to attack? The answer is Mexico, and needless to say, Mexico does not currently host any Taco Bell franchises. By the way, Nigeria, you may want to start thinking Mexican food.
What accounts for Taco Bell’s ability to foster peace? The company claims it is characterized by restless creativity, a focus on inclusivity and community, and an attitude that encourages customers to “Live Mas.” This creativity shows up in some of its unique menu items, which mix the new with the traditional to produce dishes like the Crunchwrap Supreme or Black Bean Chalupa Supreme. Its core customer base skews toward young adults in the 18-32 range.
Who really knows what allows this business to bring a Pax Taco Bell era to the international stage? All I know is we need to get busy and open a franchise in Venezuela before our troops get stuck in another frustrating military quagmire.
My plan, if carried out, could lead Taco Bell to receiving next year’s Nobel Peace Prize. This may not make President Trump too happy, since he is obsessed with acquiring the honor, but a visit to a Taco Bell with an opportunity to gorge on several orders of its Beefy 5-Layer Burrito could serve as an appropriate consolation prize for him.
Steve Rodriguez is a retired Marine Corps officer and high school teacher who last taught at Olympian High School in Chula Vista.
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